drops dat purify......

i don't want to be the little Johny who asked rain to go away.....why cant he play in rain?
just look out from your window when it rains..when drops drips slowly from the grills you could watch a brand new canvas of nature reveal in front of you...when each element of nature become beautiful frame for your eyes.when the first drops from the unknown paradise above kisses the earth i can smell life...the smell that symbolize the love made by two worlds...
i could feel nature exulted when heavens pour down on her.....purifying her past odds....i saw them dance in trans with the wild wind with more and more thirst for her love,her addiction,her rain. the music it creates with each object in earth as an instrument to create the song of universe.
i can no longer stay back behind the window grills...i want to get absorbed in that wild but serene phase of nature,for that playing football in rain is a good option.football and rain is a intertwined combo which couldnt be seperated.the game which is a fervor for mankind and rain which is the same for nature.playing on bare foot feeling the pulse of earth ,who cares for the stained clothes......rain swept my sweat like a mother does for her child.
every good thing have to come to a halt......very slowly rain withdrew back to the world above.

but the very next morning was nature wearing her most beautiful outfit.....like a woman after shower....soaked but tranquil.the golden rays from sun warming her ...but still those drops left back by heavens in greenery tricles down with the crave for making more love.

the bullet getaway.

my new friend was more or less mad like me......talks n talks....we get close very easily
i told her once that i would like to roam around whole of India on a bullet.and i would live in naxal affected areas and redirect the present extremist movement and I'll walk towards death like a baby who doesn't know the fear of death...smiling. she said she would also come along with me....and we'll die togather."we'll leave exactly after 3years on a friday at 10 50pm".becuase it was on a friday 10 50pm we fall in a imaginary love.we'll cal our venture...the bullet getaway.
escapism is within all of us...but to escape with the person you love ...even in dreams ....feels heavenly.

"There comes a moment when my heart must stand alone
On this lonely path I've chosen
Like a house thats not a home

Sometimes when I feel I've had enough
And I feel like giving up
You willed me to be all I can be
Now nothing can stop me

I believe in the power that comes
From a world brought together as one
I believe together we'll fly
I believe in the power of you and I

This is the moment we have dreamed of all our lives
We'll be the change we wish from others
We'll stand tall for what is right
And in my heart there'll be no doubt
The arms of the world will come reaching out
And embrace me to be all I can be
Now nothing can stop me "...........olympic theme song

a ROMANTIC note........

i haven't told her that i love her....
she alsonever did...
but we lived in love....ecstatic love....
she cares......hugs me...kiss me ....
cries when i cry.....supports me when the whole world curse me
yell at me when i go wrong......and then again she cries for my wrong and she supports
she couldn't stop loving me....and i couldn't too..
she never alowed anyone to talk bad about me......and i almost go insane when someone curse her.....
she reflects myself many a times.........the void of her absence is suffocating.....
we are in love... the most divine love on universe....
i always had one name to call her.....
i call her 'amaa'

Do i have anything to say?

do you hav anythnig to say?....i heard that question as if the whole world is asking me.do i have anything to say?
volumes i must say. i cant face them or the world itself.staring at the floor is the only option i got,  where my eyes can escape.'hang him till death'.....judge judged.  my entire life i was guided to death.....walking between two big walls eyes covered with black cloth...without any feeling anything other than the hard bricks of the wall and seeing only the dark.....i was guided by someone to this destiny...this judgment.i never had a role to play in my life other than moving within those walls  with eyes shut .did i had any opportunity to tear of that cloth ,break the walls and feel the life in light.never did i..?born in a meager family in the outskirts of elite life i started ,moreover my motherland ,my nation was considered by the world as the breeding ground of terrorism.
education,was not even  in the wildest dreams of kids in my slum.without knowing what we are in this world for,why allah created us for,me and my friends spend our lives without worth.
i remember the day i was made belief of my worth,my duty .they instilled knowledge,interpretations of quran,the need of jihad.world must follow islam.and over all this their promise of giving huge amount of money which i couldn't seeing think in my whole life.suddenlt my complete view change......the life i was leading was futile...they are offering the real  part of it.in my void mind there ideas filled clearly, world must follow islam,words resonated.i must be loyal to allah
followere were many....mere followes .with each day passing i felt more and more inspired more and more worthy,more and more responsible.
i was assigned for the ultimate salvation..i was assigned to be the warrior of my beleif.inluding me nine were send for war.we were the most sacred warriores sacrificng ourselves to allah......the most respected ones.
we were unleashed here,by serving and pleasing all who guided us.....we killed and killed...people after people,life after life.india was paralyzed by 9 of us.eight of the other were killed.they served the purpose.i was the abandon by allah,by getting caught .
through my days behind bars,i started realization.the path to truth...i was realizing myself.it was a difficult to understand that i was a sinner.by remembering all those agony ,pain,blood fear in the peoples face i killed i felt terror for myself....i was the sinner.light slowly was dawning  in my thoughts.i felt this was the biggest knowledge not what they taught,and their interpretations about faith was mere misinterpretations,what they taught was darkness,the money was my price to be in the darkness forever,and we were not warriores of allah,we were biggest sinners in front of allah.but then i had no other choice....i was born in darkness and lived in darkness and their ideas was the first of any kind which endarkened me further.but now i know what is allah.
now hearing the judgement,my wyes blurred,.... tears which purify my soul.i do have manythings to say but i dont want.
AJMAL KASAB GETS DEATH PENALITY.Every headlines got bolder,every newschannels were louder.
world celebrates the news,i celebrates it more

i am afraid

i am afraid to see me....
when i saw  i was horrified......
i tried to console my mind...NO....
its not me....ts somebody else...........
hard to believe its me.....why i am like this??
with none around and soul separated i saw me...
i cant bare seeing me like this.....
i want to run away......far......
to face real mine is like slitting my throat slowly...
the me i saw was so ugly by all means....
not beyond an infant in life with no comparable innocence........
a worm which wore the mask of higher degree species.....
one who faked himself....one who always had excuses for failure....
who lived with a soul in darkness.....which feared light.....
with no earnest desire...acted as a pathetic romeo to justify my heart
insanity was a veil for my normality....
panting at the starting point itself staring at the runway....
i closed my eyes without strength to see further ...the brutal side...with tears sprouting
i am afraid to explore that brutal reality.....that 'me'

INEQUALITY........POLITICAL SCIENCE

In my political science class taught by a great faculty,came across a topic inequality ,some points like....inequality is natural,inequality can be reduced by hard work and all came up........but none  talked about where it started.
inequality is a process evolved  over years ,in very early times of human race itself there has been differences.even during the times where tribal system existed.there the best warrior in the tribal group was the leader of tribal groups.rest are his subjects,they have to follow his words,they have to fight with other tribal groups in the name of women or other precious things.and if they win the properties will be possessed by leaders only...and as time progress leader become more and more powerful.so the natural inequality,that's the the tribal leaders physical strength has bee used to turn him power and authoritarian.that's where it all started
i dont know how caste and sub caste system formulated...may be like the authoritarians,like the tribal leader was considered the chief,the leaders formed a class,they become the distinguished people in the community.
       then in the modern era the English were the masters of the world,they were naturally crooked smarter and more enthusiastic that other races,they made modern equipments and aced above others.thus their natural features helped them take advantage over the rest of the world and exploit every resources.but when the exploited realized they are no underdogs in this world,they revolted with everything in their arms to eradicate the English monopoly.the whole of India revolted and struggled for freedom and achieved the necessary.but equality was not achieved,the evolved higher class,like  landlords, jamindars who with the support of British empire where wealthier class by the time,they continued exploiting the peasants and laymen of the country.actually this happened around the world in different forms.but during 1970's a very strongly ideology based naxal movement strengthened in the country,which along with leftist groups fought for a better social setup which dreamed about a equal nation.but the movements went confined to some states where socialistic setup was somewhat achieved by redistribution of land and wealth.
then the rolling governments whoever it may be ,became the ruling class ,even though elected by people they were the class which determines the nation's fate.private enterprises blossomed with the support of governments.all these private enterprises basically had a good financial backup,and many others gained money through illegal activities.more public firms were converted or sold to private enterprises with government as middlemen.globalization also hammered down the common man and local market.we are now influenced by other developed nations.our economy is go up and down according to other nations economical growth.

so to conclude naturally everything is unequal in this world,but when the wealthier or powerful exploit or disturb the equilibrium that's when the true inequality happens.so to suppress it there should be protests and struggle.a mass movement is still a  far away dream in our country,but in each small system,if you feel you are uncounted,there's inequality...protest against it...that's the only way to counter the phenomenon inequality.
note:i write what i feel,all this may be blunder of all time......

SMOKES WHICH DOES NOT DISSOLVE

that was the last cigrette in my life.....many people who loves me told to quit the habbit...many including my mom,friends,mentors,.....many....so this will be my last cigrette........i lit the tobacco end...the first drag always is a shock wave to me....it ignites me..compltely.........after infiltrating ma lungs the venomous smoke emitted through ma mouth and nostrils....the smoke looked so sensual as they formed un definable erotically slow dance in the stagnant air around me.....i saw the vapours thinenning into void...that made me think of the people  who live for the sake of living....the poeople who were disounted in the vicious world...i remembered about a mantally disabled person who got hard slaps from a tea stall owner for stealing a piece of bread ,forced by the instinct of hunger ,the woman in torn pieces of clothes carrying a infant begging for copper coins left along with their thousand rupee notes in the pockets of affluent busy people.....i thought of  kids who have rat eyes burgundy colored hair eating from garbage....i saw the person who cleaned the floor of train with his own shirt for a living and thin father and daughter who sang old hindi songs stretching their hands for money in train...the old looking lady showing her cleavage and bargaining with a man in nthe street for the supression of his sexual frustrations.........and the man cleaning in the black waters in drainage with bare hands...all of them were equal...the remains...the ignored ones.....whose tears covered by speeches and promises made by people in power..... those were refugees in this money built world...

my cigrette was burning into ashes...my thoughts too.........a point of spark fall from the burning tobacco stick...the spark of fire which is left rarely in people....who fought for the rights of under privilaged and people living in the dark...the people who were always atthe recieving en of democratic system...the people who were stamped as naxals or maoists....who are considered as the biggest threat to nation.....pinned down by the authorities.....whose urge for freedom was over shadowed by debates and seminars in the capital driven media.....helpless and powerless movements....but always has the fire in them to break the shackles......

the burn in ma lips marked the near end of my last cigrette...but the burning sensation in the lips showed her face in the smokes...the one who didn't understud me....ma love or passion...who always considered me as an idiot...a small smile is ineviteble in me when she call me an idiot.....ma love never went noticed....i was always an out of focus object in her picture....she always was an intruder in my mind.....adding to my mounting aggravation.....though i know she loves another person and i am never a concern to her ...i still love her....
lshhh....ma lips burned...i threw ma  cigrette away........and walked away from the smoke and thought filled atmosphere....before the burning sensation... i lit another cigrette.