relics of 70's

smokes from the cigarette was not given the time to dance in front of eyes......it was taken aback to the past by the roaring wind.....i could see the sights of present fading away to memories of past....the rails seems so blurred in distance...
sitting in the stairs of howra express ...i am virtually sitting in the boundary of freedom and constriction...in front of me i have the vastness of nature unfolding and oblivious with pace...and behind me the lives from all parts of the country with subjected smell of toiled sweat and the stinking odour of toilet....
i took out the small piece of paper from my pocket.....a letter rather.....it wavered in the moving wind....holding it tightly i read the scribbled words again...for me it was the most beautiful hand writing..... "i was praying for this date of your release....i am safe...please don't come in search of me....i wrote this letter only to make sure that i am alive.....forget everything ....start a new life...and i plead don't follow this letter -shakti" did i smelt sourness of her tears?
how could she write this to me.....how could she skip the thoughts of us being together arguing over rebellious thoughts...the poems that bleed revolt and love.....the speechs which ignited the armed struggle of 70's....my comrade turned lover.....after i was jailed...this is the first letter i got from her...that too before my release....after long 8years....everything changed....there is no trace of the movement which inspired us....every one now is confined to their own world....carrying the burden of ignorance.....
now i am following the address in the letter......with train's pace lowering as it neared kolkota...the breeding ground of radicals....the pace of heart beat raised....now i am in wanga soil...walking under the scorching sun .....i wandered through the famously narrow slums of kolkata searching for the address....but everyone i asked gave me disgusting looks.....even though drenched in sweat i sat down at a tea stall....drinking a hot black tea and cigarette....my favourite combo..i enquired the chaiwalla about the address....he pointed to a shabby house opposite...a molten core of emotions gaining weight.. i walked towards my destiny...with each step in... it got darker....it was more filthier inside than outside.....a fat women interrupted me...."what you want?" i whispered "shakti"....."rs 500" she replied in a rude tone....heart couldn't orchestrate with reality....i knew what was happening ....but i just want to be inert to reality for that moment....the wooden door open up before i saw my divine soul in the most wrecked state.....eyes spoke ....there was drought in her eyes....if there was an another second i would have rushed up to her and hugged her...instead she closed the door firmly....i stood numb for some moment...and walked back without a reason to return....
now back in howra station with a burning cigarette in my lips waiting for the return train.....i pity myself....and 70's.......