this is it

for the second time i was in love......another trip to kochi marks the end of a 6 month affair......but this time i dint see her...she also dint want to....
this post will be the last dedicated to love.....i am sorry bob marley...i dint listen to you ...no love no pain...
i was at the recieving end this time....i was the one who begged for her return.....the girl i ditched before begged like this for my return...i had a egoistic pleasure while ignoring her.....now am lowered down to earth by another girl whom i considered precious....this is a vicious circle....the circle of love lust fake infatuation .....you will by all means will go through the pain you gave to another person.
i am not intrested in blame game....the mistake may be of completely mine....i lost my character in front of her...i behaved differently....like a child i was silly... totally unlike me...may be its in me...maybe my different shades were unraveling in front  of her
and there was a great deal of cultural difference....i could drink a black tea and lit a cigarette from any pan shop in street...while she saw only air conditioned cafe's  .......ya and i am outspoken ...
i was romantic...dangerously sincere.....and now when i look back and watch me behaved in front of her...i feel pity yet another time about myself...it wasn't me...by any means...only thing that was true was that i felt that unleashing urge of love on her....
girls change according to situation... that's true...once you feel you love a girl damn sincerely....in the next meeting itself go for sex....fuck her....then if she ditch you....you are lucky....
if you think you are strong enough, girl....its nothing but your fake pride for your character...if you think your practical...its nothing but loosing your innocence....
today when i walked past marine drive in cochin....i thought of you....words cant explain what i felt...you could have stayed....doesn't matter ....your life your way...i wont sing 'why this kolaveri' ......and i beat myself for being jack ass....for the first and last time in my fucking life.....
thus ends all my feelings for you.......i am depressed ...doesn't mean am a looser.....i loved you...i wont add a 'still does' to it.....
just one thing...dont ever have a misconception that i couldn't do anything........you would have cried like a kid ....ts a lucky let off...reasons will remain secret
am slipping back to my dopey nights with pink floyd,marley and enigma to give a farewell to you my love forever and ever....better luck for your fourth venture