anti clockwise

i was born now.....6 45 pm.....

sun is starting to bloom in west.....i am going to see her,to say good bye.....i am going to see her for the first time to say goodbye.............she asked me to come before she leave to some other place getting a new job....she want me to see her before that....on my way to see her for the first time.....while i was crossing the road...the car hit...blood flushed out .....i feel so fresh...but i couldn't see her...my love ...she might have left ....

i am walking back......now i saw her....for the first time...then she is crying and from her expression she is angry.....we are breaking up.......shouting at each other for reasons that does not have any validity..... because in my conscience i know we already are separated...

sun is moving towards east....am walking back like all others did.....surprisingly i saw her again in coffee shops ...parks....now we are going for movies together ......we are talking ...laughing.....this was before i saw her for the first time.....before we parted....

now my life starts......the clock with 12 on top....in clockwise direction it reads 11..10...9...8...........3...2....1....again 12... i need to get up and go to office......when it is bluish dark.....i drove to office.....after some hours...sun again moves from west to east.......dawn and dusk are similar in its color shade and feelings....both are confused about day and night........when sun starts rising in east...i get back home.......

i saw her for the last time she was most beautiful then.....there was a feeling....for the first time time in my life ironically it was the last time i could see her......i proposed her....its killing me that i cant see her again....

hereafter she does not have any speck of influence in my life...she is not there in my conscience hereafter......am a happy bachelor .....with absolute freedom....

now am a college student...so much fun...life to its fullest...then school...am getting older.....weaker ...so dependent......i need support from my parents to survive.....i can feel then...i was getting older smaller....and so cute....am crawling now.....so dependent that i need to cry loud to get milk from my mothers breast.....cant speak....cant walk...but then everybody cared about me....but as an entity i was so weak mentally and physically....cant even express my feelings other than crying loud...and too small that everybody carried me in their arms....

sun is fast moving towards east to die.....fading away....memories also fades.....i died.....i remember i was inside some bag ...no it was womb... that's what they call.....i was dad then.....

now am born.....in the middle of the road.....i am weak now also just like when i was dead years back.......and now there is no one to care like the days when i was so old i was crawling and crying all the time.....i need to start living by my own.....sun died in east ....and am breathing.....

some qustions i have to answer ...what came first in this world.....egg or hen??man or god??void or matter....

i am feeling a whole new energy inside now....life beckons......

exsex

bloody unruly sun woke me up....the golden rays were so disturbing.....the other half of the bed is unoccupied.....so she had left....there is a stiffness and pain for the body.....sunlight is warming the void she left.....i smelt that part of the bed....were she slept all night naked......i could feel the smell of her sweat.....compelling smell.....without bothering to put on any clothes....i lit the first cigarette for the day.....

last night was beyond words....night of satisfaction,wildness, ecstasy,total blissfulness.....call me a pervert or horny pig.....call her a whore or bitch....and the night ...a one night stand and the room a brothel....i don't care....as long as both of us enjoyed the most purest feeling in its totality....

was it the darkness in the room that made us so secured....and completely occupied....or was it the rain which silenced all other noises.....or was it the cold that made us so craving for warmness of nakedness.....i enjoyed every inch of her......wandering like a nomad through her body....i can't remember the nasty words she whispered in my ears....curse the weed or i could have cherish those lusty words ever in my life...

all contradictions about gender differences starts in bed...in fact that contradictions is what make sex beautiful.....and the moment of supreme ecstasy all the contradictions and paradoxity of sexual differences dilutes to oneness.....at that moment there is no male and female.....like we push out the pulp from a wound...immense pain and delight merges at one point......the paranoid is about sex is that all inconsistency about gender start and stop there only...not beyond that....

sex made me realize love was always secondary......it was this crave or curiosity about lust that made love engaging........morality preachers .....i now know you were wrong or fake.....sex educators all your theories are wrong.....and all holy books which stamped the existent deed of life as sin ......i now know you were written by impotents......the purest form of emotions is all considered bad...now i know......

night always has a annoyance of sleep.....sometime late in night after so much of madness....both of us slept....hugging the nudity.....

the chimes in the room made music only in the morning.....she left nothing in the room..other than a note....."thanks for the wonderful night;)" ...girl...don't know i'll see you again.....but i really want nights like that again.........