pls don't disturb!!!

we were at the backyard of a hold house....rest of the guys are already down inside that old house

but we were still talking over the rich vein of alcohol running through us...he was the one in our gang just like all of us...full on fun...but somewhere i have always felt that he loves a self confinement pampering his sorrows...ya there seemed to play a melancholic chord inside the rock music.....

two full bottles of whisky is almost over...and i had my round of puking done..

the topic varied from spirituality,socialism,communism,love.....we kinda feel that  our intellect is vast, when venom goes in....so me and my friend are arguing over everything....then we pause....silence is filled with thoughts and cigarette...again new topic ....

'dude you are always selfish...you never bothered about the issues happening in the class...you just dont care about anything other than your life' me

'ya i agree i don't feel like putting my head in every problems...i am not harming anyone...let me live my life peacefully' -he

'but if we all stand together we can bring on change....not only in college...it applies in life...you not participating means you are weakening a movement' -me

'fuck you man you still is in fake reverie of glorified leftist revolutions.....it wont happen anymore...get over it live your life'-he

'you bloody ass...its only because of revolutions that we made change....atleast there is some equality made reality...you haven't ever faced hardships in your life...that is fucking reason why you are not bothered about anything other than your fucking happy life.....you haven't ever gone through poverty ,discrimination or anything....you have money....your dad makes it for you...you have your choices....and you live happily except for silly love failures what the fuck have you faced in life?'-me

'you fucking bastard...what will you do if someone abuses your mother?'-he

'i will make sure he wont go home without a bleeding nose'-me

'ya...but i wont...i dont give a damn....fucker....from the day since i could think and perceive, my parents were fighting each other...and how will you react if you know your mom has another affair....?'-he

i was numb...i couldn't even think of that

'ya....i was living in my house all these years in my house seeing my dad and mom fighting....i can't blame her..its her choice.....but what should i do man....she never loved me....i too never did...we rarely talks....my family is a  drama...that's the reason why i decided to persue my studies far away...and stay in hostel....and i don't care about the fucking issues happening around me....call me selfish or whatever...' -he

he was saying more and more loudly zeroing to silence

he broke and tears was virtually flowing from his eyes....but mine was already down the cheeks..

.

we hugged each other and cried for sometime....and slept outside that house so peacefully....

the next day when we woke up he gave me his usual classy smile and said 'i was bit over yesterday asshole.....whatever i said keep it to yourself'

'hahaha......fuck you man...gimme that fag ....and you better keep your mouth shut when you booze next time'

:P- replied him

he enjoyed his life completely....and i watched that fucker with amusement...and wondered how he could cope with that mourning silence of the loneliness in life.............

fortress ultimo

the words got stuck again in two lines,he crumbled another paper to the waste bin....the small room is filled with the air smelling weed....the floor full of ash and burned up cigarettes ...
its beyond writer's block for him....its been one year he wrote something....
'am i done?' he asked himself a thousand times....the words became stagnant....and thoughts vanished....
nothing fascinated him anymore....
what will the river do when its water is dried up?
how will the guitar cry when its strings are broken?
how will bird survive if it wings are tied up??
he look into the shelf...'were those awards nails in my coffin?limiting my travelling mind...making me an idol of some ideologies?which fortified me from thinking boundless' .
he rolled another joint to free himself.....now this is also of no use....it just help me to walk back in the same paths I've been travelling.
as Seamus Heaney said in his poem digging....he tried digging deep into his mind for new potatoes...but all he got was the old rotten potatoes that he already used...
he traveled alone for miles far...and returned empty handed....nothing fascinated him anymore...the bloody revolutions,insanity of emotions,sincerity of relations....nothing is creating a scar in his heart to bleed  newness....drugs only enlarged his emptiness...
'its over' the thought loomed over him everyday that passed by....
one fine morning he wake up from the weeded reverie....went in front of the mirror....started cutting down his long hair...shaved his beard.....had a shower after so many days....and then bundled all his awards,books,and every recognition he got.....
he carried every thing to the near field and burned them...with a profound joy in his face looking at the fire he screamed 'let that phase of my life die here,am no longer an high praised intellectual,i wont be discussed anymore,i wont having sleepless nights fighting to find the less traveled ways of human mind...i can live like a normal man....'
he walked straight to a tea shop...and asked the owner..'could i get a job here?'
owner nodded...the rest of his life he served tea ,cleaned the tables,ate the left out food...and slept in the wooden rack peacefully

.!.

who created religion?
who created caste?
who created hierarchy?
who created culture?
who created neatness?
there is no point in arguing .
if you cant swear at people...better be silent
if you cant beat the people you hate....why do you have hands??
if you cant fuck the girl on bed why do you have a dick?
the inhibition of being human is a mask of your fear....we are animals behave like one....
you surely in your life wanted to swear,beat,abuse, at people who you hate...do it
dont eat according to table manners grab your food...stuff it....
we are animals....
its not culture less or brutal...it is natural
chaos is the way....
you are a slave in every institution whether it is family,office,school,society
you are not free....remember you are born free...but brought up as a slave....
break the idols of god....burn those holy books....they infect you....
stop all clocks and watches...time controls you
remove doors and locks....they confine you...
you are made rebel....there is no need for it... because the world is yours...its for every one...live like animals they explore earn food, mate, fight...live king size...even worms live in regal...its we who are living like donkeys carrying the burden of religion culture time relation...
each one of us have same emotions....what we express is what makes us...
so i give a big middle finger to all those who feels they are part of a culture.
i am proud to be an animal without culture religion or time
when you think fuck as a bad word...just think how you were born...similarly every thing in the world stamped as sin is part of life..knowingly or unknowingly....admit the fact that we are just another species
now i thought of a halt....but time is not my concern....
live natural

Another Hault

this blog comes to an end for the time being.... I've  run out of topics...rather i can't find obsession in anything...nothing evokes my mind....there has been some powerful undercurrents of negativity flowing ....resulting in wounded emotions....i hurt many people during the course of this...the last one was real bad...no excuses....you cant handle me the way i am....there had been withdrawal syndromes...insanity....and lastly a sadistic pleasure in finding people getting hurt.....i want the death of my spoiled half.....not anymore....so all of you who got anger ,grudge and got hurt by me...pay tributes....
i don't know whether i can come back like old times....enjoying everything....like others do...let the past odds RIP....and girl salute you for your tolerance level...i was so bad....feel free to walk away...
bye....hoping for new leaves to sprang in the dead stem