peace

and the bhajan 'namah shivaya' by krishnadas exulted my soul umpteenth time....am still an atheist .....
i experienced fear.....real...to the core.... i saw 'exorcist'....i couldn't sleep alone....for the first time in life i had the feeling something is a whisker away to posses ......i had to go down and sleep with mom....
and i read the 2 books of the series 'shiva triology' ,good book ,not awsomest as some idiots claim...
so i kinda like the figure shiva....the shiva way of life....a sense of authoritative calmness......like vito corleone,he knows he is untouchable and unassailable ....but is as humble an ordinary soul.....and ya....he is the god of trippers ...and got a breed of akhoris who are finest trippers in india.....
i visited delli,agra,and jaipur....taj mahal is a thing of beauty to cherish life long.........

i watch intensely at the slow thick fumes from a cigarette  ....it has very beautiful pattern to dissolve into thin air.....its so sensual how they go in a very holy buoyant way to merge with the world....  no resistance
i sense am nearing to that state where you are peacefuly satisfied with what you got...what you have.....
i send some book to you.....believe me i dont remember the name of the book.....and tried my hand in drawing.....its tough to draw you smiling....the frequency of disturbing you has reduced i think......
my friend once said once you have made sex with a girl you'll know how to behave decently with the ladies....logical concept.....
now i ended my confusion within .....each one of us behave in a unique way in different conditions.....basically everyone is alike....social positioning...identity ...dogmas....they pressurize you to be a stranger.....
i am at peace....i am reducing to be simple....no hate...no love....a tranquility where negatives and positives cancel each other :)