refreshed

another year died ,futile, without anything to remember ,while i held myself in silence.my perspectives changed,convictions changed,ideologies battled within themselves and was killed.
 last 6,7 months has been a revelation,a learning curve for me, i realised the importance of being in peace,not to be judgemental,and importantly not to hurt anyone by any means .its not complete,sometimes that raging older self of an insane looser over come .but i confide that to my mom,i think only she can absorb that filth, in her tears , no one can replace her.
 my teenage spirits succumbed completely, that i dont get excited on seeing gorgeous girls,stooping to impress ,not that am a gay.....am enjoying that bachelorhood of being subdued in a long lost love.
a man who have walked down the street and experienced it all,the high's and low's of life,silly romance,true love,lust,  the ever hunger "foodless" days,straying without a coin in pocket, the dreaded lonely night travels in general compartment,the drug dens of complete oblivion,the fake,the real,idiots, intellects,shame,pride.,.illegal paths , alone,crowded,luxury,deprived......man, i've seen'em all and enjoyed it all .
but now the sense of being in peace have dominated above all ,to understand that ,to be not hated by anyone and to be harmless to all is the greatest revolution of this age.live simple,live smiling.
the emotional outbursts have come to an end,to wear the subtle and calm cover over those over flow of emotions,i am learning it. to believe everything happens for a cause ,and i am deserving for whatever i receive, helps me.
 2013,this year ,am looking forward for that long yearn freedom,to be away from home,from the people who care for me, for that voyage alone,to fight my life. i must leave the luxury of being secure,and find my own ways .
 for my long gone eyelashes : you put me in world of fantasy,then left me hapless where i caged in my own frustrations.....i learned from there ....that love is simple...it will come ....and keep you in peace.
live happily...forgive me in your mind, all of you, if you can! i could feel that from here.
live,love,smile...
this is gautam signing off without any complaints.....for the first time in life :)