every transmission of energy results with a loss of that energy in some quantity,even a minute quantifiable loss is expected.
the instant thought formed in our mind in response to a situation ,a news,a sight...or anything we see or hear ...is the real core reaction.....this raw thought go through a several reforms and get refined inside us in split second to be actually performed as an action or expression .this action or expression is what others see.....and these refined reaction is perceived as the actual reaction which is in fact a complete strange reproduction of our true thought,our true response.our social identity,social positioning and frame work of restrictions, refine our pure thought of response....this purity of thought can never be retained in our physical expressions....something will be always lost in the way in that smallest time of refinement...owing to the fear of reality.
if we can provide a free society with minimum of restrictions....i think we can create something next to paradise....on the backdrop of the sexual assault on women.....let me frankly tell you something....there is indeed a wild beast in every man i have seen...including me...a pervert ,or u can call sexually frustrated piece of demon....but most of us are gentlemen in the eyes of society....do you know why? its very simple as you all know....we are a refined through education,knowledge,family,school.....thanks to our spiritual leaders ,artists,activists,authors.....and a heritage...but all this is attained through a process starting from mother,family relations,school...and so on......
but when we examine ....even in some cases even the educated men have comitted heinous crimes of rape and sexual abuse.....it happens when the demon i have mentioned above get the right prey at the right time when it is erupting with that long suppressed frustrations....and at this point of madness he forgets his social positioning,social stigmas and even himself...that he loose all the shackles he is bonded to.
there is no justification for people who have committed themselves in these kind of assaults...but the point i am trying to bring is.....when a society ,in this case take india ,which pass laws based on voting of some idiots who have been elected by means of money,muscle power caste creed and whatever fucking criteria in a country whose voting percentage is less than 50 mostly .....and they represent our country's dreams,desire and hopes.... they retrict "legalize" mould, regulate and scrutinize a society which is higly heterogeneous in nature ....every law passed or even the basic constitution is not acceptable by all.....the more the rules....the more there will be agitations.....if a man and woman is ready to have sex on MUTUAL CONSENT....no fucking law should follow them in the name of immoral trafficking or other moral and cultural dogmas ...in countries which legalized prostitution and consider sex workers as just another occupation....men doesn't need a lone girl in the bus to shed their sexual wilderness...when there are people who are willing to have a one night stand.....on mutual consent with legal protection.
and there is a danger that i may be mis understood here, if a man/woman is happy and satisfied to use his body for pleasure and money....why defame them?? the word happiness and satisfaction holds the key
the feminist shouts is that "are women a commodity for men to shed their sexual insanity"...not at all....but you cant expect every man on the street to be as good as your father.....there are insane damaged minds in the dark...there should be a cure for those people...and it should start from a very deep rooted study and reform of our society.that is where the concept of a free society have to be considered.
if you can provide a society....which inspire free thinking ,and good actions with less regulations and monitoring.....people will not misuse their freedom.....they will surely understand that our freedom ends at the point when someone is hurt by it......if your freedom is limited by yourself by not hurting others....you'll enjoy the ecstasy of the word "free".....
because the more you restrict....the more we resist. educate our new generation to think free,respect indiscriminately and love unconditionally to have a beautiful tommorow
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
refreshed
another year died ,futile, without anything to remember ,while i held myself in silence.my perspectives changed,convictions changed,ideologies battled within themselves and was killed.
last 6,7 months has been a revelation,a learning curve for me, i realised the importance of being in peace,not to be judgemental,and importantly not to hurt anyone by any means .its not complete,sometimes that raging older self of an insane looser over come .but i confide that to my mom,i think only she can absorb that filth, in her tears , no one can replace her.
my teenage spirits succumbed completely, that i dont get excited on seeing gorgeous girls,stooping to impress ,not that am a gay.....am enjoying that bachelorhood of being subdued in a long lost love.
a man who have walked down the street and experienced it all,the high's and low's of life,silly romance,true love,lust, the ever hunger "foodless" days,straying without a coin in pocket, the dreaded lonely night travels in general compartment,the drug dens of complete oblivion,the fake,the real,idiots, intellects,shame,pride.,.illegal paths , alone,crowded,luxury,deprived......man, i've seen'em all and enjoyed it all .
but now the sense of being in peace have dominated above all ,to understand that ,to be not hated by anyone and to be harmless to all is the greatest revolution of this age.live simple,live smiling.
the emotional outbursts have come to an end,to wear the subtle and calm cover over those over flow of emotions,i am learning it. to believe everything happens for a cause ,and i am deserving for whatever i receive, helps me.
2013,this year ,am looking forward for that long yearn freedom,to be away from home,from the people who care for me, for that voyage alone,to fight my life. i must leave the luxury of being secure,and find my own ways .
for my long gone eyelashes : you put me in world of fantasy,then left me hapless where i caged in my own frustrations.....i learned from there ....that love is simple...it will come ....and keep you in peace.
live happily...forgive me in your mind, all of you, if you can! i could feel that from here.
live,love,smile...
this is gautam signing off without any complaints.....for the first time in life :)
last 6,7 months has been a revelation,a learning curve for me, i realised the importance of being in peace,not to be judgemental,and importantly not to hurt anyone by any means .its not complete,sometimes that raging older self of an insane looser over come .but i confide that to my mom,i think only she can absorb that filth, in her tears , no one can replace her.
my teenage spirits succumbed completely, that i dont get excited on seeing gorgeous girls,stooping to impress ,not that am a gay.....am enjoying that bachelorhood of being subdued in a long lost love.
a man who have walked down the street and experienced it all,the high's and low's of life,silly romance,true love,lust, the ever hunger "foodless" days,straying without a coin in pocket, the dreaded lonely night travels in general compartment,the drug dens of complete oblivion,the fake,the real,idiots, intellects,shame,pride.,.illegal paths , alone,crowded,luxury,deprived......man, i've seen'em all and enjoyed it all .
but now the sense of being in peace have dominated above all ,to understand that ,to be not hated by anyone and to be harmless to all is the greatest revolution of this age.live simple,live smiling.
the emotional outbursts have come to an end,to wear the subtle and calm cover over those over flow of emotions,i am learning it. to believe everything happens for a cause ,and i am deserving for whatever i receive, helps me.
2013,this year ,am looking forward for that long yearn freedom,to be away from home,from the people who care for me, for that voyage alone,to fight my life. i must leave the luxury of being secure,and find my own ways .
for my long gone eyelashes : you put me in world of fantasy,then left me hapless where i caged in my own frustrations.....i learned from there ....that love is simple...it will come ....and keep you in peace.
live happily...forgive me in your mind, all of you, if you can! i could feel that from here.
live,love,smile...
this is gautam signing off without any complaints.....for the first time in life :)
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
no more a mediator!
what is the object of journalism?
does media have the power to change?
for "budding" and "aspiring" journalists keeping a fire power in their pen and vision,have you ever noticed recently on the point that any scoop,scandal,report changed the course of an issue??
like they say "art for art sake",media is for media sake
be it corruption,anna hazare,silence of manmohan,poverty,oppression or whatever that is concern for our country,a highly "tolerant" population of our country for the maximum call a strike over media impact....
and then there are pundits and intellectuals who carry out debates and editorials to enlighten the common people with their mastery in language and knowledge in an issue with statistics.
for reference take anna hazare's first campaign against corruption,how he was hailed by media,and how people of this country followed him like rats behind the pied piper .and on his second "war against corruption" media started speculating his intentions and the blunders in lokpal bill...with media attention lessened, the hazare storm was somewhat silenced.
media is a valve for all who are seeking power and attention,and every news like barkha dutt once accidently said 'has a motive'.
one thing media serve best is that employing thousands of journalists .
it is true that media often generates opinion in people,make the politically neutral minds to take sides in election and thus a change in government.but a change in government is not what is needed,we have tried this trial and error method over and over and people were at the recieving end every time.
now the other point social scientists arouse is that to eradicate corruption from grass root level...like the depict in the tamil movie 'annyan' every small mistake,a bribe or a ignorance for money add to make a huge crack in the whole system wrenched in corruption.but how can we blame a clarke or peon in a government office who dreams of making his life climbing a ladder of classes as corrupt.the class wars created by money and religion is prime reason for anyone to get stained for sustainment.
and coming back to media's impact on society,like a movie,it will not go beyond discussions in chat rooms.more than acting like a pimp for society by revealing the backstage dramas in politics and other issues that is catered in a dramatic way to fill the leisure time of people,media should,in this age , be active in more powerful mode called media activism where media houses should initiate act by or against an issue based on the ground reality.this may be a completely out of the box ,insane break of conventional journalistic theories of being diplomatic and "act like a mirror" concept .the spine to say 'that is wrong' or 'that is right' should be there rather than saying 'it may be right or wrong"....and even a declaration to inspire people to think by their own ,rather than to perceive a framed fact. becuase there is only black and white for a fact,the other shades are just interpretations and assumptions.
the frame work of constitution has made the four estates to be constantly checked by each other,but as time went...the four lions understood that it is easy to eat the whole of country by themselves if they stand together,by compromising and passing bill according to their convenience .
people are still fooled by showing a unknown drama played by the master puppeteers of these four estates.
there should be a walk up call for media to seriously rethink and move away from a moderate way stand by the people and be among them.
because the process is clear,when wealth and power accumulated on one side....communism was needed,then the constant class struggle paved way to the drama called democracy....where again power was accumulated where even socialism and communism became the part of dirty waters....now there is this chance of anarchy where nothing is safe and chaos rules all over.to avoid the complete outburst, there should be a responsible bold media culture that should be developed urgently.
does media have the power to change?
for "budding" and "aspiring" journalists keeping a fire power in their pen and vision,have you ever noticed recently on the point that any scoop,scandal,report changed the course of an issue??
like they say "art for art sake",media is for media sake
be it corruption,anna hazare,silence of manmohan,poverty,oppression or whatever that is concern for our country,a highly "tolerant" population of our country for the maximum call a strike over media impact....
and then there are pundits and intellectuals who carry out debates and editorials to enlighten the common people with their mastery in language and knowledge in an issue with statistics.
for reference take anna hazare's first campaign against corruption,how he was hailed by media,and how people of this country followed him like rats behind the pied piper .and on his second "war against corruption" media started speculating his intentions and the blunders in lokpal bill...with media attention lessened, the hazare storm was somewhat silenced.
media is a valve for all who are seeking power and attention,and every news like barkha dutt once accidently said 'has a motive'.
one thing media serve best is that employing thousands of journalists .
it is true that media often generates opinion in people,make the politically neutral minds to take sides in election and thus a change in government.but a change in government is not what is needed,we have tried this trial and error method over and over and people were at the recieving end every time.
now the other point social scientists arouse is that to eradicate corruption from grass root level...like the depict in the tamil movie 'annyan' every small mistake,a bribe or a ignorance for money add to make a huge crack in the whole system wrenched in corruption.but how can we blame a clarke or peon in a government office who dreams of making his life climbing a ladder of classes as corrupt.the class wars created by money and religion is prime reason for anyone to get stained for sustainment.
and coming back to media's impact on society,like a movie,it will not go beyond discussions in chat rooms.more than acting like a pimp for society by revealing the backstage dramas in politics and other issues that is catered in a dramatic way to fill the leisure time of people,media should,in this age , be active in more powerful mode called media activism where media houses should initiate act by or against an issue based on the ground reality.this may be a completely out of the box ,insane break of conventional journalistic theories of being diplomatic and "act like a mirror" concept .the spine to say 'that is wrong' or 'that is right' should be there rather than saying 'it may be right or wrong"....and even a declaration to inspire people to think by their own ,rather than to perceive a framed fact. becuase there is only black and white for a fact,the other shades are just interpretations and assumptions.
the frame work of constitution has made the four estates to be constantly checked by each other,but as time went...the four lions understood that it is easy to eat the whole of country by themselves if they stand together,by compromising and passing bill according to their convenience .
people are still fooled by showing a unknown drama played by the master puppeteers of these four estates.
there should be a walk up call for media to seriously rethink and move away from a moderate way stand by the people and be among them.
because the process is clear,when wealth and power accumulated on one side....communism was needed,then the constant class struggle paved way to the drama called democracy....where again power was accumulated where even socialism and communism became the part of dirty waters....now there is this chance of anarchy where nothing is safe and chaos rules all over.to avoid the complete outburst, there should be a responsible bold media culture that should be developed urgently.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
looser's end
i am bonded...rather bounded...as some say of me as filmy...melodramatic and fake..
arguments are long gone...to fight means to debate in a profound way in chat rooms,
the phases are past,i refresh every time when i lit a joint...like the legends said you wont receive any pain
the world looks so simple then,very simple to live,just smile ,you live....a reaction that is so pleasing for everyone
but the rare moments i am hit by the concrete hardness of reality, i fail,i think of a time when the sickening sense of revenge looms over me...
whenever i go deep inside myself...its total chaos...and so disturbing....depressing and ruining,total backlash.
i once had a belief in judgement day,and it remains as a fantasy
if your mother's tears holds u, advice's restrict you....admit it ,you are weak than u imagine.
now sitting in my home....every prick of a noise burst my peace i seek for,every shouts come in like a hammer to break my skull....
am dangerously in love with peace....that when it is lost....the streaks of reality plug wires in my senses that kills me...
i want to walk a lonely way killing the unwanted ....and resting in midways with my comrades for a smoke and laugh purely...
i want to washout every man made stains from my mind ,and start fresh like from a blackout to enjoy the abundance of freedom....and drown in it...and die in it ...killing the unwanted
arguments are long gone...to fight means to debate in a profound way in chat rooms,
the phases are past,i refresh every time when i lit a joint...like the legends said you wont receive any pain
the world looks so simple then,very simple to live,just smile ,you live....a reaction that is so pleasing for everyone
but the rare moments i am hit by the concrete hardness of reality, i fail,i think of a time when the sickening sense of revenge looms over me...
whenever i go deep inside myself...its total chaos...and so disturbing....depressing and ruining,total backlash.
i once had a belief in judgement day,and it remains as a fantasy
if your mother's tears holds u, advice's restrict you....admit it ,you are weak than u imagine.
now sitting in my home....every prick of a noise burst my peace i seek for,every shouts come in like a hammer to break my skull....
am dangerously in love with peace....that when it is lost....the streaks of reality plug wires in my senses that kills me...
i want to walk a lonely way killing the unwanted ....and resting in midways with my comrades for a smoke and laugh purely...
i want to washout every man made stains from my mind ,and start fresh like from a blackout to enjoy the abundance of freedom....and drown in it...and die in it ...killing the unwanted
Monday, September 17, 2012
reality checks!
many a times i feel reality is a projection of sub conscious .what we see is a mere visualization of the universe within....our mind has everything in it ...every question has answer inside yourself.... the path of our material reality is just the first dimension of oblivion...and i strongly believe a soul will be blessed with all experiences and pass through every possible emotions,its extremities, every possible way of life and every possible feeling,until it finish the circle of complete knowledge through experiences, the soul will not find the peace of mind it seeks for and it sheds the outfits and find newones ,the membrane called our physical body that divide the projected and partial reality from the subdued but complete universe within.so i live and live and live to find that euphoria of being complete.
i poses a question !
why does an idiot called human considers a diamond so valuable that he even fight a war for it,even after knowing that it is an artificially beautified stone??why is it so precious?? what is the pride factor??
you find answers....
on a night while i was drowning in darkness...i was pondering why men always crave for the nudity of women...for their body...is it because they hide it with clothes all the time...is it that mystery under cover??or is it the aura of womanliness that a man is unknown of?? or because of all the social dogmas ,culturing and and expectations attached with women?? similarly for women...they seek for man...his most hidden and hyped about possession,the stick of creation,dick. no,pls you got time to laugh later
"i exist becuase,you imagine i do" i've read this words somewhere....and i feel the same....i am a concept for u...my physical presence is least relevant .....my reactions,the words i use, behavior, ideologies,and all other associations i am linked with makes me ,capsuled in a single world called by my name.....the wildest possible abstract which is accepted by every one.....
so every word in this world holds a concept...attached again with this lot more of beliefs, expectations,culture,dogmas,
the concept that twinkling or shining is a cosmic wonder or divine makes diamond precious...the adventure behind every diamond,the bloodshed behind it makes it even more vauable and demanding....it takes skillful people to cut that raw stone to a twinkling beauty makes it wanted.. and women ,all poets writers artists and common man haven't yet understood the concept of women completely....so we still look at her with the same enthusiasm and watch the magnificent creation she is.....
OK I LOST SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY!! DID I?? OR CAN YOU JUST DECODE WHAT I MEAN???!!
i poses a question !
why does an idiot called human considers a diamond so valuable that he even fight a war for it,even after knowing that it is an artificially beautified stone??why is it so precious?? what is the pride factor??
you find answers....
on a night while i was drowning in darkness...i was pondering why men always crave for the nudity of women...for their body...is it because they hide it with clothes all the time...is it that mystery under cover??or is it the aura of womanliness that a man is unknown of?? or because of all the social dogmas ,culturing and and expectations attached with women?? similarly for women...they seek for man...his most hidden and hyped about possession,the stick of creation,dick. no,pls you got time to laugh later
"i exist becuase,you imagine i do" i've read this words somewhere....and i feel the same....i am a concept for u...my physical presence is least relevant .....my reactions,the words i use, behavior, ideologies,and all other associations i am linked with makes me ,capsuled in a single world called by my name.....the wildest possible abstract which is accepted by every one.....
so every word in this world holds a concept...attached again with this lot more of beliefs, expectations,culture,dogmas,
the concept that twinkling or shining is a cosmic wonder or divine makes diamond precious...the adventure behind every diamond,the bloodshed behind it makes it even more vauable and demanding....it takes skillful people to cut that raw stone to a twinkling beauty makes it wanted.. and women ,all poets writers artists and common man haven't yet understood the concept of women completely....so we still look at her with the same enthusiasm and watch the magnificent creation she is.....
OK I LOST SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY!! DID I?? OR CAN YOU JUST DECODE WHAT I MEAN???!!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
night outs
krishna looked out from that window .....watching the city lights,mumbai huzzle and the sea winds...never will mumbai take rest...it always have the rapid heart beat of a rat in a trap....it has been long since she had walked into the swirling night life of mumbai....like the damsel in distress she locked her up from all turbulence of noises and the leisure of music....friends ,fun ,night clubs ,pubs.....all the stress busters a metro girl resort to,was abandoned....now to get a break was a strong decision...to rise above hatred gossiping bitching and backstabbing needed a rock mind...a mind to ignore and walk away from those chaos to a carelessly free world...
krishna put on her sexiest outfit to and drove down the city streets to merge with the colors of night...to shed a stinking phase of life in that night and erase everything atleast for that moment with high pounding trance booze and dance ....
the never ending waves of juhu beach takes away your pain and bring back long lost memories ...but kanak at that time felt the salty winds are rubbing on his bleeding thoughts....boys strolling in a beach lonely with a cigarette burning in his lips should be most probably a victim of relationship failure.....but kanak was not in that category ...he still couldn't believe the pictures he saw...and what his friend told just took him by surprise..krithika his only sister was seen dancing in the middle of some drunken guys in a pub...the pics were even more surprising ...he hadn't seen her wearing any thing other than a salwar..but here she is looking like a typical party girl...how will i tell this to dad...he will beat her up like anything...no...kanak at that moment missed his mom like anything....if she was there she could handle this situation perfectly...i have always heard that only a mother can understand her daughter completely...mom's demise always hurt kanak...the void she left suffocated his lonely moments...with a decision to make and questions knocking all over the head mixed with a burning temper, kanak,rode his way home..
the music was in booming heights and krishna was dancing insanely with it....her head bangs revealed her frustrations...with each tequila shot she was forgetting everything around....the blinking party lights trance and drinks made her world....but the tiring limbs din't let her enjoy the whole night....she sat in the corner of the dance floor to lit a cigerette.... bouncer had to take her out as she was unable to stand properly...outside the pub she sat again to refresh herself...she had a feeling of purity within herself ....cleansing the past odds..a new spring of happiness and freedom was brimming in her ....her eyes wanted to say aloud "i am free and clean"...she decided not drive back to her apartment in this condition and opted to walk back relishing the long lost beauty of nights in her life...
a few steps past the pub...she saw some people staring at her...she walked forward as if she was not noticing them.....but the next step was obstructed by a huge man who was standing in front of her surrounded by other guys..."where are you going this late night??" he asked in marathi..."home"..she replied with a wavering voice...."are you drunk madam?" "yes,but who are you to ask all these" she asked back with all her energy left...the split second slap made her fell down..."what is your name bitch??" "krishna,you bastard...what the fuck you guys want?? "
with a hard kick on her stomach the man leading the mob roared "krishna eh??with our god's name, you are boozing and fucking all night insulting our culture..you filthy bitch" the men surrounding her started to tease and abuse her ...in her dizzy vision she saw mobile cameras flashing around....she felt some hands grabbing her...a chilling fear damaged her already down senses...
lost in his own thoughts kanak was struck by the scene of a mob attacking a girl.....he understood easily it was the frequently heard news of molesting girls in name of morality...he thought of riding past the backlash...but the face of his mom and sister flashed in his mind to stop the bike ...before committing himself he called the police to inform the situation...and walked towards the mob...kanak tried to stop them...the girl was actually tattered and looked like publicly raped...kanak also had to bare the heat of beating...but his resistance brought him time.....the police siren nearing to spot made him gasp a little.as the mob dispersed in hurry showing their final burst of agitation on kanak....
he gave krishna his denim jacket to hide her torn dress....she was crying...and her mascara made her tears look blackish...krishna hugged him tightly out of fear and thanked him in a shivering voice....police took her to the station to register the complaint....kanak was asked questions ...and was left soon...the bruises din't hurt kanak that night...he felt peace of mind like never before after his mom's death ..
kanak talked to krithika and her reply was simple "i was with rammy and kiran...and other colege mates...it was ram's birthday...bhayya dont worry i am your same old little sister just that i wanted a day off too ..i know to take care of myself...trust me " she told in a soft confident voice
kanak smiled at her and gave her a hug
"i know you can ...but the world out there is real bad baby ...and we no more have mom to console us "
the siblings went to bed with a restored solitude to sleep after a long night.....
krishna put on her sexiest outfit to and drove down the city streets to merge with the colors of night...to shed a stinking phase of life in that night and erase everything atleast for that moment with high pounding trance booze and dance ....
the never ending waves of juhu beach takes away your pain and bring back long lost memories ...but kanak at that time felt the salty winds are rubbing on his bleeding thoughts....boys strolling in a beach lonely with a cigarette burning in his lips should be most probably a victim of relationship failure.....but kanak was not in that category ...he still couldn't believe the pictures he saw...and what his friend told just took him by surprise..krithika his only sister was seen dancing in the middle of some drunken guys in a pub...the pics were even more surprising ...he hadn't seen her wearing any thing other than a salwar..but here she is looking like a typical party girl...how will i tell this to dad...he will beat her up like anything...no...kanak at that moment missed his mom like anything....if she was there she could handle this situation perfectly...i have always heard that only a mother can understand her daughter completely...mom's demise always hurt kanak...the void she left suffocated his lonely moments...with a decision to make and questions knocking all over the head mixed with a burning temper, kanak,rode his way home..
a few steps past the pub...she saw some people staring at her...she walked forward as if she was not noticing them.....but the next step was obstructed by a huge man who was standing in front of her surrounded by other guys..."where are you going this late night??" he asked in marathi..."home"..she replied with a wavering voice...."are you drunk madam?" "yes,but who are you to ask all these" she asked back with all her energy left...the split second slap made her fell down..."what is your name bitch??" "krishna,you bastard...what the fuck you guys want?? "
with a hard kick on her stomach the man leading the mob roared "krishna eh??with our god's name, you are boozing and fucking all night insulting our culture..you filthy bitch" the men surrounding her started to tease and abuse her ...in her dizzy vision she saw mobile cameras flashing around....she felt some hands grabbing her...a chilling fear damaged her already down senses...
lost in his own thoughts kanak was struck by the scene of a mob attacking a girl.....he understood easily it was the frequently heard news of molesting girls in name of morality...he thought of riding past the backlash...but the face of his mom and sister flashed in his mind to stop the bike ...before committing himself he called the police to inform the situation...and walked towards the mob...kanak tried to stop them...the girl was actually tattered and looked like publicly raped...kanak also had to bare the heat of beating...but his resistance brought him time.....the police siren nearing to spot made him gasp a little.as the mob dispersed in hurry showing their final burst of agitation on kanak....
he gave krishna his denim jacket to hide her torn dress....she was crying...and her mascara made her tears look blackish...krishna hugged him tightly out of fear and thanked him in a shivering voice....police took her to the station to register the complaint....kanak was asked questions ...and was left soon...the bruises din't hurt kanak that night...he felt peace of mind like never before after his mom's death ..
kanak talked to krithika and her reply was simple "i was with rammy and kiran...and other colege mates...it was ram's birthday...bhayya dont worry i am your same old little sister just that i wanted a day off too ..i know to take care of myself...trust me " she told in a soft confident voice
kanak smiled at her and gave her a hug
"i know you can ...but the world out there is real bad baby ...and we no more have mom to console us "
the siblings went to bed with a restored solitude to sleep after a long night.....
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Hazy Heights
we were seeking solace at the heights of Nilgiris, far away from the unsettled greed of city speeds.the thick fog had a venomously slow pace ,billowing the dense green tops of those hills.the drizzling made the misty wild a holy hood to cover its enigmatic depths of divinity.but soon the charm of drizzling changed to heavy pour down like a wrath to kill our heaven.....but we unknowingly started our voyage towards serenity before the rain drops trickle down deep into our conscience .....
i was braving the rain and grueling cold....trekking down the hill...i felt like a warrior struggling down the rocky path...and i could see my hair in front of my eyes in glowing black from which water drops drip down....i wanted a space where rain drops wouldn't intrude my peace i was cherishing that time...but my struggle went in vain.. i found no shelter...so i had to accept the rain,the cold and the thoughts they inject in ,with sharp strikes inside my silent serene lake....it is our mind's unimaginable vastness to make accustomed to a pain with which we have to live with everyday or a pain without a choice.....so with time the lake absorbed the strangeness of rain drops and continued flowing in its course silently...
friends followed, they also had no choice but start enjoying the extremity of nature and her untamed beauty.... the body was churning itself to counter the brutal cold...with shivering limbs drenched in rain we had biscuits....people who found shelter in their cars were i think looking at us as insane teens talking and laughing in midst of freezing cold and rain ,eating biscuits without showing any trace difficulty ...
not all trips having frightening turns...but this one had when one of my friend was struck by a leech in his hand....blood came out from his hand when he pulled out the blood sucking worm.....the spreading of blood in his hands with water just took me away to a valley smelling death which had a mask of lush beauty, haze and silence covering a viciously cruel face...the tranquility of silence was torn with another leech striking my hand ...but the real intimidating sight was to see the grain sized blood sucker going perpendicular in my hand drilling down my skin to suck its ecstasy...my blood.....i had to push so hard to remove the unwanted alien in my body....but the image of its fury, to pierce through my skin ,went venom like into my purified mind as fear oozed in my blood.....the valley suddenly unmasked its deadly half and i was too weak to escape back to the world of peace....too weak that the cold and rain was no longer enjoyable instead started to toil us down and to succumb....and our silence was no longer reflecting the inside peace but it was the terrifying numbness to respond to the backlash happening within.
but again it also dint last.... the tribal people working in the plantation estates saw us shivering and drowning in cold.....they were talking tamil -malayalam which sounded strange and they looked primitive...no they were natural ..more suited to be here than us....they offered us black tea...the warmth of the tea brought us back to senses...i saw kindness in their eyes and wrinkled faces.....one women asked us to cover the hot steel cup tightly to escape from the chilling aura surrounding us....and the feeling of unconditional care felt great ...
we started our journey back....riding down each hairpin curves.....through the dark wet forest...we wanted a break and took a space in the rock facing an abyss filled with white mist flowing in grace...minds beaming with thoughts don't experience time...we were melting in thoughts like dew drops...
riding our way back to the dull routine of city lives i understood we were getting back slowly to the peripheral face of consciousness and material reality....
with depths of wild ,faded past our sights...i am now aware how powerful a thought act in you...how influential a simple feeling can be...which,in a blink of a thought inserted by an image perceived showed the beauty of forest changing to the face of evil..and a hue of love turned it back to heaven.....
i was braving the rain and grueling cold....trekking down the hill...i felt like a warrior struggling down the rocky path...and i could see my hair in front of my eyes in glowing black from which water drops drip down....i wanted a space where rain drops wouldn't intrude my peace i was cherishing that time...but my struggle went in vain.. i found no shelter...so i had to accept the rain,the cold and the thoughts they inject in ,with sharp strikes inside my silent serene lake....it is our mind's unimaginable vastness to make accustomed to a pain with which we have to live with everyday or a pain without a choice.....so with time the lake absorbed the strangeness of rain drops and continued flowing in its course silently...
friends followed, they also had no choice but start enjoying the extremity of nature and her untamed beauty.... the body was churning itself to counter the brutal cold...with shivering limbs drenched in rain we had biscuits....people who found shelter in their cars were i think looking at us as insane teens talking and laughing in midst of freezing cold and rain ,eating biscuits without showing any trace difficulty ...
not all trips having frightening turns...but this one had when one of my friend was struck by a leech in his hand....blood came out from his hand when he pulled out the blood sucking worm.....the spreading of blood in his hands with water just took me away to a valley smelling death which had a mask of lush beauty, haze and silence covering a viciously cruel face...the tranquility of silence was torn with another leech striking my hand ...but the real intimidating sight was to see the grain sized blood sucker going perpendicular in my hand drilling down my skin to suck its ecstasy...my blood.....i had to push so hard to remove the unwanted alien in my body....but the image of its fury, to pierce through my skin ,went venom like into my purified mind as fear oozed in my blood.....the valley suddenly unmasked its deadly half and i was too weak to escape back to the world of peace....too weak that the cold and rain was no longer enjoyable instead started to toil us down and to succumb....and our silence was no longer reflecting the inside peace but it was the terrifying numbness to respond to the backlash happening within.
but again it also dint last.... the tribal people working in the plantation estates saw us shivering and drowning in cold.....they were talking tamil -malayalam which sounded strange and they looked primitive...no they were natural ..more suited to be here than us....they offered us black tea...the warmth of the tea brought us back to senses...i saw kindness in their eyes and wrinkled faces.....one women asked us to cover the hot steel cup tightly to escape from the chilling aura surrounding us....and the feeling of unconditional care felt great ...
we started our journey back....riding down each hairpin curves.....through the dark wet forest...we wanted a break and took a space in the rock facing an abyss filled with white mist flowing in grace...minds beaming with thoughts don't experience time...we were melting in thoughts like dew drops...
riding our way back to the dull routine of city lives i understood we were getting back slowly to the peripheral face of consciousness and material reality....
with depths of wild ,faded past our sights...i am now aware how powerful a thought act in you...how influential a simple feeling can be...which,in a blink of a thought inserted by an image perceived showed the beauty of forest changing to the face of evil..and a hue of love turned it back to heaven.....
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